Dear Big Ten,

You suck.

Sincerely,

SEC
Pac-10

Poor Bill Parcells. First, he has to deal with T.O. There’s not much I can say about him that hasn’t been said more times than you or I care to read. The real irony here lies in the Gramatica / Idiot Kicker situation. Parcells went so far as to release Mike Vanderhoushmandzadeh, saying he didn’t feel confident with him at the end of the game. Nevermind that he’s the most accurate kicker in the history of professional football. Parcells didn’t feel confident. That’s fine, that’s what Parcells is there for, and Gramatica played well. Who knew that the problems in the kicking game would come from his idiot holder?

To say people were a little quick to pull out the “anointing oil” for Tony Romo is like saying that Tony Montana ended up with a little drug problem. Romo lost 4 of his last 5 games, including a home game against the Lions. Yes, the Lions. The Fighting Matt Millen’s pulled out a victory against the playoff bound Cowboys when the ‘Boys were still fighting for a division crown and a home game. Maybe the balls would have been stickier at home.

Romo also threw 2 interceptions in 3 of his last 6 games, and fumbled an incredible 4 TIMES in one of the games he didn’t. He bottled Dave Krieg and Brett Favre, took their worst elements, and managed to channel them with a concentration that hasn’t been seen since Ryan Leaf.

Of course, he looked great to Cowboys fans when he replaced the great Drew Bledsoe. The Cowboys line was something of a must’ve had a religious objection to pass protection, and Bledsoe would lose to the Pope in a 40 yard dash.

I suggest this plan of action for the Cowboys: Upgrade the O-Line in Free Agency, and the defense in the draft. Maybe get a safety who can cover, since Roy Williams can’t catch the ball, only hit it. Ditch Bledsoe, bring in Kurt Warner, and bench Romo. Usually the backup QB is the holder, but they might want to reconsider that. We’ve seen how bad the NFC on the whole is, and a healthy Warner might be good enough to push them to the top. They’ve got about 1 more season before the novelty of TO is up and Bill wants, so push hard for next year and then take your chances with the Rominator. May he bring you many 9-7 seasons.

Dear Michigan Fan,

The silence coming from your foot-filled mouth is telling. If possible, you’re almost as overrated as Notre Dame. You had a quality win over Wisconsin, capitalized on huge strokes of luck against OSU and almost pulled it off. A pat on the back and a firm scathing of Lloyd Carr are in order. But a Championship shot? I’m glad you didn’t get in.

Let’s see what you have to boast. A good running back, but only two running plays. Oops! That makes scouting difficult. I’m pretty sure Pete Carroll spent 5 minutes game planning for each play, then went to Tahiti for a week. That’s about all it takes when your athletes are so incredibly superior to the opposition’s, and they don’t do anything clever. You’ve got an inside running play and an outside running play! Great! You’re not the Broncos, get your fatass Midwestern corn-fed O-Lineman on a quick USC D-Lineman man to man before they get a chance to get running and you’ve got a shot. Oops!

Chad Henne is not a good quarterback. Sure, he’ll lead you to another 9 or 10 win season next year, but that’s not saying much with the strength of the Big 10. Hell, PSU might get their act together with Morelli, Derrick Williams and Justin Rose. Then you’d be the 3rd best team in a shitty conference. As a jackass roommate of mine used to say when my team was in dire straights, How does that make you feel?

And it’s not like Florida was undeserving. Sure, Urban Meyer campaigned. How many people do you think said while they were voting, “Boy, I like Michigan here, but Urban Meyer might yell at me!” I’ll tell you. Zero. Nobody listened to him, except you, and you only listened so you could whine. Florida lost one game to Auburn, at Auburn, and they didn’t give up an offensive touchdown. And yes, they lost by 10, but on the shadiest incomplete pass / fumble call I’ve seen since the Raiders were good, and a last second defensive touchdown on a botched hook and lateral. And they did it in one of the nation’s best conferences.

And don’t tell me “PSU beat UT!” Save it. The 5th best team (Behind Auburn, Arkansas, Florida, and LSU) from the SEC was a favorite going into a bowl game and played terribly.

Nick Saban

Originally uploaded by SporTech.

Well, I am a confessed Vol fan. Alright. There, I said it. And, I guess I was slightly disappointed to find out that Saban would be headed to the Crimson Tide. Yes, I was glad to get rid of him. Just like I was glad to get Spurrier out of Florida.

I have to admit… it is laughable that these coaches (e.g., Spurrier and Saban) just think they are SO big that they can tackle the next level. And, when they can’t - they head back to college with their asses in a sling.

I laugh at the justification that he “just misses the college game”. Bullshit. Miami is in worse shape that it was before he took over. He has put them in a pathetic position. (You might be asking, “how much worse can they get?”… I guess not much.) I guess he asked “MIss Cleo” the QB to look in her crystal ball and tell him whether things are going to get better. And, the ball said “hell no”.

Anyway, I am sad to see him returning to the SEC. I admit that I was enjoying the train wreck course that the UofA has been on for the last few years. But, just like the Zook era… all good things must come to an end, I suppose.