In perhaps my favorite story of the offseason, the NFL has scheduled a regular season game abroad, to take place in London. The Miami Dolphins find themselves in the odd position of being the home team despite having to play approximately 5,200 miles away from home. The real losers here aren’t the Dolphins, or even the Giants, who get screwed having to play a game that could cause jet lag issues during the middle of their season. They weren’t going anywhere anyway, and each team will be lucky to see .500 this year.

The real losers are the Dolphins season ticket holders. They get their tickets as usual to this game, since it is, after all, a Miami home game. One might even consider this a good thing, as they’ll just get to sell their tickets for some nice coin (the cheapest tickets issued so far are $90) on eBay, no? No.

The NFL says the eBays are too scary, with their systems of interlocking tubes and what have you, so they’re not issuing the tickets until the week before the game, essentially forcing the fans to either eat the ticket or fly to London for the game.

I’ll preface this by saying that I applaud most of what Goodell has done as commish, but this blows. If I pay a ton of cash for my season tickets, I don’t really feel the need to take into consideration where the game is happening. I buy Bears tickets, I assume the game is at Soldier Field, not bloody England! Unite Dolphins fans (all three of you!), and say you want to put your tickets on the eBays. Or go enjoy some real beer in Europe, then come back here and stare at your Rolling Rock with disgust. Either way, you lose.

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Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: PacMan Jones walks into a (strip) club, and the night ends in gunshots. Well, this time, despite the lack of a paralyzed bouncer, Pac-Man is being charged with criminal coercion. Legally, such a thing is defined as:

Coercion is the practice of compelling a person to involuntarily behave in a certain way (whether through action or inaction) by use of threats, intimidation or some other form of pressure or force. Coercion may typically involve the actual infliction of physical or psychological harm in order to enhance the credibility of a threat. The threat of further harm may then lead to the cooperation or obedience of the person being coerced.

So there you go. I’m no lawyer, but it seems that for him to get charged with this, someone had to LISTEN to what this guy was saying. They had to believe what he was saying was the truth. There’s about 53 guys with less credibility than him, and they’re known as the Cincinnati Bengals. I’d like to blame PacMan for this, but his friends are even worse. A female friend was charged with felony assault with a deadly weapon, for attacking club employees with a chair. I’d like to make a number of jokes here, but this is just sad.

On the plus side, we haven’t heard from Ricky Williams in awhile, so…we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.

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