Category: Buffalo Bills

Drunk Cowboys Fans Provide Endless Joy

16 September, 2008 (10:18) | Alcohol, Buffalo Bills, Dallas Cowboys, General Stupidity, NFL, Should Have Seen This Coming | By: Grafton

Growing up in Upstate New York during the height of Bills glory, I naturally have an intense dislike for the Dallas Cowboys. Every time Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas seemed ready to beat those pesky bad guys, they’d ruin the Bills in the Super Bowl and celebrate with drugs and hookers.

Naturally I’m slightly displeased with their victory last night on Monday night football, but at least I can take solace in the fact that they haven’t won a playoff game since Clinton was in office. Oh yeah, and this:

Nice work, guys.

10 Fantasy Performers to Ditch and Forget

14 September, 2006 (16:17) | Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Buffalo Bills, Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, Fantasy Football, Fantasy Rankings, General, Miami Dolphins, NFL, NFL Preview, New York Giants, New York Jets, Oakland Raiders, Tampa Bay Buccaneers | By: Grafton

Well folks, Week 2 is upon us, and that can mean only one thing–making unnecessarily rash decisions based on 60 minutes of football action. Everybody loves pushing the panic button every now and then. Hell, my roommates and I held three way trade talks earlier this week, and we each won the first week pretty easily. So here we go, the top 10 fantasy footballers to get rid of, or avoid accepting offers for. That is not to say that these guys will have poor seasons (some will), but just to say that their value will never be higher than it is right now. (Or the Thursday before Week 2 if you read this later). And awayyyyyy we go:

10) Reuben Droughns–Perhaps drafting a running back with an offensive line that isn’t composed of pinatas would’ve been a good idea. I’m as guilty as anyone else here, though. I figured that if he had 1,200 yards rushing, as he has in each of the past two years, he’d been good for 6 – 8 touchdowns rather than the two he posted last year. Well, judging by Week 1’s performance, he’ll be lucky to reach 600 yards. And a touchdown. He’ll be lucky to reach the red zone. But if your league gives you bonus points for running into the back of 2 offensive linemen at the same time, Droughns is your guy.

9) Jason Witten–The addition of Terrell Owens will hurt Terry Glenn too, but Witten’s numbers will be more fickle. I don’t think Witten will have a year anywhere close to what he had last year, unless Drew Bledsoe gets his feet out of those cement shoes Evan was talking about.

8) Ron Mexico, errr, Mike Vick–Lost in Vick’s solid Week 1 performance was his 10-22 passing. Maybe he should try throwing right handed, the whole lefty thing doesn’t see to be up his alley. Yeah, Vick apologists, tell me that he’ll make plays with his legs, and THAT is where his value comes in. No, Vick’s value comes in Weeks 1-8 when he actually can run around. And then some savvy defensive coordinator will find a way to keep him in the pocket, or Vick will get hurt, and you’ve got … uhh, I don’t know. Pick a terrible quarterback. Sage Rosenfels. Moving on.

7) LaMont Jordan–The problems run deep here. How about a terrible offensive line. How about a terrible team attitude. How about Art “What is this game being played in front of me?” Shell. The real issue, though, is the 0 receptions. Last year he had 70. That’s where his value was! The guy can’t run. Hell, his fridge probably can’t run. But he can average 3.5 yards a carry and do pretty well on swing passes. But if he doesn’t get the swing passes? He’s…

6) Edgerrin James–I watched a preaseason game, and this one was pretty clear. He’s got a soft line–they’re alright in pass protection (Kurt Warner, Anquan Boldin, and Larry Fitzgerald won’t be on this list anywhere), but they can’t run block. And now everyone in the desert is saying that he was a good acquisition for his good attitude too. Sounds like a cop out to me. They could’ve brought in Troy Brown from the Patriots and gotten a good attitude. This is just a good running back behind an abysmal offensive line. If you took the Cardinals line and put them in a battle royale with the Raiders line, a slap fight would break out in under 30 seconds. Guarantee it.

5) Cadillac Williams–At first I thought this was nothing to be worried about. I thought it was just his inconsistency shining through, but we knew that when we drafted him, no? If you didn’t, you should have. Anyway, Chris Simms looked terrible in Week 1, and his backup, Bruce Gradkozalozalowski won’t be going to any Pro Bowls anytime soon. Everyone was ready to make the best back in the NFL the #3 in fantasy drafts (LT) because of an unproven quarterback. Well what does that make this guy? His quarterback is proven. He’s not good. He’s not as bad as Baltimore made him look, but he’s pretty bad.

4) Daunte Culpepper–Have you seen this man read a defense? It’s like watching a blind guy read a book. There’s funny faces, there’s a lot of yelling, and sooner or later somebody’s gonna get him a braille book. And the braille book is either Randy Moss again, or a backup job. Since I don’t see Al Davis trading Randy Moss anytime soon, its struggles ahead for Daunte.

3) Kevin Jones–I was on the Kevin Jones bandwagon from the get go this preseason. He was gonna be Marshall Faulk in Mike Martz’s offense. Except, the line stinks, he’s not nearly as good as Faulk was (shoulda seen that one coming), and Jon Kitna is good, but not Kurt Warner good. D’OH!

2) Willis McGahee–The dude hasn’t scored in 11 STRAIGHT GAMES! Come on. How can you even have a roster spot if you go almost 75% of a season without scoring? Add to this that Buffalo brought in Anthony Thomas as something of a goal line back, and there’s no end in sight for this no-TD train. J.P. Losman isn’t going to do him any favors either. Tough break, Willis owners.

1) Tiki Barber–Hear me out on this one. Barber is a very good back. And he’ll have a solid year. But if you can get another viable top RB for him, do it. Tiki will get his yards, and might’ve been called an all time great if his ability had been seen earlier (ie. not platooning him with Ron Dayne for 3 years). But sadly, Brandon Jacobs is a beast. He’s a tank. Nay, he’s faster. He’s a tank on top of a sports car. And he’s going to steal all the goal line carries. Unless Tiki scores from 10 yards out, he’s not going to score. Sad but true.