Category: General Stupidity

Welcome to Fantasy Relevancy…TATUM BELL!

9 December, 2008 (16:57) | Denver Broncos, Detroit Lions, Fantasy Football, General Stupidity, NFL, Should Have Seen This Coming | By: Grafton

Good work, Tatum. Earlier this season it looked as though your only contribution to the 2008 NFL Season would be your cunning acquisition of Rudi Johnson’s luggage. Now, though, with Denver down to their 8th string running back after Peyton Hillis’ injury, it looks like you’ll get a chance to be an every-down back for a couple of weeks.

Myth: The Broncos had to put 3 RBs on the IR to get Tatum Bell playing time.

Fact: The Broncos had to put 4 RBs on the IR to get Tatum Bell playing time.

These next few weeks will put coach Mike Shanahan’s revolving backfield to the test—if the teams’ 6th (at least) RB can put up decent numbers, then just about anyone can. Hell, who would have bet that Peyton Hillis would be a late season fantasy factor above his fellow RB rookies from Arkansas, Felix Jones and Darren McFadden? Bell will get some chances because, well, there’s nobody else. At least nobody has slipped on a McDonalds bag yet… 

Before you go grab Bell and put him in your lineup, consider that the Broncos all but have the AFC Weak, errr, AFC West, wrapped up. Why risk losing yet another back when you can air it out to your heart’s content and save him for the Wild-Card round? Bell should get some chances and be a decent flex option if you own one of several RBs who went down Sunday (Portis, Gore, Jacobs, Addai, and the aforementioned Hillis).

Honorable mention goes to Dominic Rhodes, who should get a chance to shine following another disappointing performance from the injury riddled Joseph Addai, after a 1.5 year hiatus in Oakland and as Addai’s backup. Now with two injuries (that the Colts admit to, at least), Addai should get some quality time with Jim Sorgi and the other clipboard kings, with the Colts having all but locked up a playoff spot of their own after a slow start. And facing the Lions this week, Rhodes could have a big game.

Also considered: Tashard Choice RB-Dal, Derrick Ward RB-NYG, Pierre Thomas RB-NOW, Steve Smith WR-NYG, Deion Branch WR-SEA, Tavaris Jackson QB-MIN

Johnson Accuses Bell In Luggage Theft [ESPN]

Broncos’ Brandon Marshall Claims He Was Hurt Slipping on a McDonald’s Wrapper [AOL Fanhouse]

Drunk Cowboys Fans Provide Endless Joy

16 September, 2008 (10:18) | Alcohol, Buffalo Bills, Dallas Cowboys, General Stupidity, NFL, Should Have Seen This Coming | By: Grafton

Growing up in Upstate New York during the height of Bills glory, I naturally have an intense dislike for the Dallas Cowboys. Every time Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas seemed ready to beat those pesky bad guys, they’d ruin the Bills in the Super Bowl and celebrate with drugs and hookers.

Naturally I’m slightly displeased with their victory last night on Monday night football, but at least I can take solace in the fact that they haven’t won a playoff game since Clinton was in office. Oh yeah, and this:

Nice work, guys.

Sucks to have Dolphins Season Tickets

25 June, 2007 (20:36) | General, General Stupidity, Miami Dolphins, NFL, New York Giants | By: Grafton

Big Ben

In perhaps my favorite story of the offseason, the NFL has scheduled a regular season game abroad, to take place in London. The Miami Dolphins find themselves in the odd position of being the home team despite having to play approximately 5,200 miles away from home. The real losers here aren’t the Dolphins, or even the Giants, who get screwed having to play a game that could cause jet lag issues during the middle of their season. They weren’t going anywhere anyway, and each team will be lucky to see .500 this year.

The real losers are the Dolphins season ticket holders. They get their tickets as usual to this game, since it is, after all, a Miami home game. One might even consider this a good thing, as they’ll just get to sell their tickets for some nice coin (the cheapest tickets issued so far are $90) on eBay, no? No.

The NFL says the eBays are too scary, with their systems of interlocking tubes and what have you, so they’re not issuing the tickets until the week before the game, essentially forcing the fans to either eat the ticket or fly to London for the game.

I’ll preface this by saying that I applaud most of what Goodell has done as commish, but this blows. If I pay a ton of cash for my season tickets, I don’t really feel the need to take into consideration where the game is happening. I buy Bears tickets, I assume the game is at Soldier Field, not bloody England! Unite Dolphins fans (all three of you!), and say you want to put your tickets on the eBays. Or go enjoy some real beer in Europe, then come back here and stare at your Rolling Rock with disgust. Either way, you lose.

Those Big Dots Will Mess You Up, Man

20 June, 2007 (14:12) | General, General Stupidity, PacMan Jones, Should Have Seen This Coming, Tennessee Titans | By: Grafton

PacMan Arrested

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: PacMan Jones walks into a (strip) club, and the night ends in gunshots. Well, this time, despite the lack of a paralyzed bouncer, Pac-Man is being charged with criminal coercion. Legally, such a thing is defined as:

Coercion is the practice of compelling a person to involuntarily behave in a certain way (whether through action or inaction) by use of threats, intimidation or some other form of pressure or force. Coercion may typically involve the actual infliction of physical or psychological harm in order to enhance the credibility of a threat. The threat of further harm may then lead to the cooperation or obedience of the person being coerced.

So there you go. I’m no lawyer, but it seems that for him to get charged with this, someone had to LISTEN to what this guy was saying. They had to believe what he was saying was the truth. There’s about 53 guys with less credibility than him, and they’re known as the Cincinnati Bengals. I’d like to blame PacMan for this, but his friends are even worse. A female friend was charged with felony assault with a deadly weapon, for attacking club employees with a chair. I’d like to make a number of jokes here, but this is just sad.

On the plus side, we haven’t heard from Ricky Williams in awhile, so…we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.